Derailment

I don't know if derailment is the right word. I'm still training, and still trying...but I'm definitely feeling a bit down. Its mainly school. I have a very hard semester, and am struggling to juggle everything I have going on. I'm making it happen, but I just feel so run down.

Of course this affects me on the mats. I can't train as much as I'd like, and often times when I can I just don't. I'm still at doing at least two days a week, but my goal was 3-4 times. Even when I do get to train, I'm just exhausted. I'm still improving though, which is honestly why I keep going. Its just hard for me to suddenly get surpassed by people who I've been able to handle in the past. Part of it was that when I was away for work, they were all training for a competition. Their games improved by leaps and bounds.

In the end though, I have to check myself when I compare myself to others. That isn't the point. I didn't start BJJ to get better than other people. I started jiu jitsu to be a better me. I've largely accomplished that, so I'm happy. The main thing that gauls me is that I see their improvement and realize that my own could be so much better. I will note that most of my training partners are not married with children, juggling work, school, military reserves, and trying to become an artist. I think, after I graduate, I'm going to be much better positioned to start making steps towards the improvement that I seek.

Last night was a good class. We didn't have very many people show up. A new white belt showed up halfway through the class, but until then I was there with a senior blue belt, a purple belt, and a black belt. This is about as good a learning environment as you can ask for. After doing some take down drils, we drills some mount positions. Because the class was so small, we started rolling earlier than normal.

I was pleased with my rolls, because the blue belt couldn't tap. Obviously, the purple and black belts toyed with me...but I learned a lot. I was amazed when the new whitebelt showed up. I'd been rolling for four rounds, and I was his first match up. I controled him so easily that I was actually thinking "holy shit, this is awesome."

Its very rare that I can actually control the pace of the actions so completely. The kid has trained before at our sister academy, but moved into our area for college. He's a national guardsman that just got back from basic training, and is absolutely tiny. He was probably only 125 lbs or so. He actually reminds me quite a bit of myself at that age, I was a similar weight and had a similar background. Anyways, He's inexperienced, but not unexperienced.

I just want more white belts to come in like that. It gives me a chance to try things out. I try not to go to hard with them, and I let him work...because that benefits me too. I'm just so used to getting smashed that when I don't, it makes me giddy.